It makes me so mad sometimes. I want too do my own things and be my own person, im 24 years old and still care too much what my family thinks of me. I live by other people, and im sick of it, because of letting people run me, I am now today in a hole so big i can barley get out of..and i dont know how to listen to myself. Why cant i just live the way I want too and do what makes me happy?!?!
Answer:
I applaud you for actually taking a step to free yourself, as it is a very serious issue.
Just posting this question, takes courage and the willingness to change for the better.
Like you, I was once afraid of saying no to people, especially the people that were the closest to me, even if I didn't agree with them.
There are some basic things you must first understand:
1. There are some things that you can change.
2. And there are things that you just cannot.
3. But you always have the choice in how you react to it.
You can't change that your family likes to voice their opinions of you and how you should live your life. We all have egos, and everyone thinks that they are right (hence Yahoo ASK). lol
You can certainly talk to them individually, and very firmly, that what they do, makes you feel terrible, and that they could express their thoughts in a non-forceful way. That they should simply inform you, and that you are the ultimate decision maker; and should they disagree, they could keep themselves from constantly bringing it up.
Here's something you could try to listen to yourself: Think to yourself, if you had your family's 100% blessing on any and all of your desicions, which would you choose?
It's similar to that old highschool, career question ("If you never had to worry about money, what would you do for the rest of your life?") that was designed so that what you chose to do, is what you should do with your life.
Lastly, why you can't live how you want and do what makes you happy, is your mindset. You must first mold your mind.
What you are doing right now CoUrAgE, is you are blaming others and not yourself. What this does, is passes the responsibilty from you, to your parents.
"Why can't I live the way I want to?" Listen to that. Read that out loud slowly. It reaks of you not taking responsibilty for your own life. You say it as if there is some other force that decides your every move, as if you were a puppet. Indeed, you may feel as though that force is your parents, and in your mind that's true, because you've given them the blame, and the ability to fix it.
You have the ability to choose what you want to do in any situtation in life. Positive or negative. You've blamed others for your life, that's negative. Taking the responsiblity and *thus, the ability* to change your life, that's positive.
Remember, that usually the right thing, of the thing that will make everything right, is the hardest thing to do.
Take back your ability to make this better - a way you want to make it - by changing your mindset; ask yourself instead: "What can I do to make my life a happier one?" As if magic, the ideas start to pour onto you like pixie dust. "How can I make myself happy?" Those are the questions you should ask yourself from now on.
Start small with this, changing your life. But do speak to them individually. It's better to do it individually because there is less chance of an argument and you have their full attention, so that your message can really resonate within them.
The way I see it, you have two choices right now: decide to keep listening to everyone, changing to please them and be miserable. Or decide to take control of your own life, and change to make yourself happy.
I'll let you decide which one is negative, and which is positive.
And if you're happy - and not harming anyone, including yourself - then the things other people say don't matter as much anymore...as they are the unhappy ones right? If they were happy with their lives, they would focuse on that, and not be spend precious time distracted by criticizing others.
Just realize, that life goes by too fast to be unhappy.
Start today. Do what you want.
YOU are the only thing standing in the way of you being who you want to be! Make a decision to change, and it will change! We create our own reality, so why are you making your miserable?
You will never change until you stand up for yourself. My mom once told me to stop complainging until I was ready to fix the problem.
Stop complaining and change!
its hard for me to make decisions too, my problems stem from wanting to make others happy and my social anxiety issues. if this bothers you a lot, talk to your dr. or a counselor. they can help you a lot. i have recently sought help and now feel better, while i still have some problems making decisions, i find that i can be my own person more and make the major life decisions that are important.
just my personal opinion. hope this helps.
good luck.
You just need some positive reinforcement and support from your family.. It is hard but you have to break away and be diferent think diferent be an indivual and not like all the other people who walk around as mindless zombies try talking to your family or friends even about how it makes you feel?? Im sorry if this doesn't help you I did my best. Good Luck.
I know how you feel! Sometimes I get this way too!
But, sometimes you are just going to have to do something that is more on the good old impulsive side..something that you "secretly dare yourself to do!"
One of the things that I was petrified to do, was call a radio station and talk on the air to a d.j.! I dared myself, and went for the gusto,and got one! I was nervous as all get out(I also taped it, just for fun! LOL!) but, you just need to turn your back on other people and do what you need to do, for YOU!..finally!
no if's,and's or but's! Just do it! and by the way, YOU know you can! So, Go!
Keep reminding yourself that you are an adult, and that adults do make their own choices. That doesn't mean being rude to your family and friends--it just means that you are going to start doing things your own way--as an adult.
Pick up some self-help books from the library. Positive affirmations, self-esteem, self-confidence, making good choices, etc. would be the topics to go with.
Good luck to you, you can do it :)
I totally understand. I have felt the same way. To some extent, I still give my family a say in my life. I'm afraid they might turn their backs on me if I disappoint them - and where would I be then?
But, I'm discovering as I get older that real love is resilient. It can handle ups and downs. It doesn't have to be TV-perfect to be good. You have to let people get upset sometimes! Ultimately, they'll respect you more!
My mom is upset that I didn't move back home after college. She's upset about my boyfriend because she doesn't think he's good enough for me (even though he's wonderful even without a college degree). She's upset that I don't get along with my sister (who can be moody and critical). Guess what? She just has to deal with it on her own. I can't carry her complaints. I am not responsible for her emotions. I can't let her control me and make me do what she wants just so she thinks I'm perfect.
What I'm saying is, you hear yourself just fine. You just don't want to disappoint your family. Follow your own happiness. When your family sees how happy you are, they might be jealous and distant. Then they will come around.
Good luck. You can do it. You will grow so much! This is a start of a journey for you. Congrats!
Maybe your not quite ready yet to make those choices on your own. You are feeling insecure so you don't stand on your own two feet. First off, are you living independent of your family or still living with them? If you are living with them then find a way to move on and get an apartment and when you get that apartment move as far away from them as you can. That will make you less likely to run to them when you have a problem. And what ever hole you feel like you are sinking in, you will find a way out of. That is apart of Life. We live and learn by our mistakes. Good luck!
I have dealt with this same problem sense I was little. I was so worried about what others wanted or thought about me that my needs always came last. Something really bad had to happen for me to understand how un-healthy this is. I had enrolled myself into therapy and I still continue to go it does help. I had found that there is a root to this issue and it can be many different things. It starts with the big decisions and then progressively gets worst till you wont even decide what to eat without someone else. It took a long time for me but it does get better. The first step I took was getting a tattoo. None of my family wanted me too, and when I did it felt so good and I realized that it didn't hurt them for me to do it, just cause they didn't agree didn't mean it would effect them in any way. You need to pace yourself. Start out small. Next time you are going out to lunch with someone you pick where to go. It's the little positive feed back that you receive that helps you be sure that your not always wrong or disappointing someone.
Actually, my friend, your choice to have followed your family's expectations was exactly that: YOUR CHOICE. Apparently, at the time, their approval was what, indeed, made you "happy."
That said, if you don't like the choices you've made, take your lumps and make better choices next time. After all, if you don't change your behavior, why would you expect the results to change?
At 24 years old, you certainly don't have "all of the answers," but you've had some good life experiences now, and it's time to start trusting your instincts. At 44, I still bounce off personal challenges with people whose opinion I respect; ultimately, though, I have learned to consider their guidance, weigh my options . . . and then make MY choice.
You want to make those around you happy and do the things they approve of. What you need to realize is this is YOUR life and not theirs. Live it the way you want and do the things you want.
You are never too far deep that you can't pull yourself out. Thinking that you are just allows you to keep going through this situation. Today tell yourself this is my life and I shall do what I desire. If others don't like it tough. They either accept me for what I want in my life or they don't.
Family can be such a pain but you have to ask yourself whose more important YOU or your family . Draw a line. Make a stand. Do what YOU think is best and keep your families opinions just OPINIONS!
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