I have been unwell lately, but trying to keep my head above water. A close friend has also been low, and I have done everything I can to support her. A few days ago, she called me to say she had just taken an overdose, and dictated a list of all the meds she had taken, then asked me to call her an ambulance etc. We live about an hour apart, I don't have a car, and felt as though I had full responsibility for her welfare.So I called an ambulance, went straight to the hospital etc. Then I started to think, why take an overdose then call me straight away? I am glad she is okay obviously, but can't get my head round the whole thing. If she was truly suicidal, why ask for help straight away? Could it be attention-seeking? Any advice?
Answer:
I can understand your feelings, and empathise with you.
Other answer have mainly talked about your perspective and how you feel, which is only natural, but I would like to try and explain from my own experiences, some of what your friend may have been feeling at the time...
I still feel guilty and ashamed at my past suicide attempts, and the effect my actions had on close friends, and the people whom I called for help..Obviously I wasn't successful otherwise I wouldn't be able to offer you these words, and I am glad that I am alive and able to do so.
It is very hard to explain to anyone who has never felt so lost, so all consumed by inner turmoil and pain, just what it is that makes a person think that they have no alternative than to try to end it all.
I know that this appears as selfish behaviour, as the person 'seeking attention' or just being a cry for help, but to them it is there last hope of relieving the pain that they are suffering. They see it as a way of no longer being a burden to those around them, and it seems to them that those people would be much better off without them.
Certainly in my case I never considered the possibility of hurting anyone with my actions, I thought I was helping them out of a difficult situation. If I was no longer around, then they wouldn't have to cope with me and my illness and my being a problem to them. My feelings of utter self worth would not allow me to consider the possibility that anyone would care if I was no longer here, or that they would feel sorry or would genuinely suffer any grief.
All consuming depression, is just that, all consuming, and it can be totally debilitating to the person suffering. That person feels nothing other than their own pain, cannot see any other perspective and does not consider anyone else, Not because they don't care or wish to manipulate, but to them there is nothing else in their thoughts.
I'm supposing that anyone reading this will not agree, and that they will see it as the ultimate selfish act, maybe it is, but believe me, that is not the intention of the person who feels so alone and unable to change things in any other way.
I've given some links below to the Mind website, and hope that they may provide some useful information:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/facts...
Please also use the website to find other information that could be useful. These links are just my suggestions.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
Information for people who are carers, is the link above.
All I would ask you to do is try and understand how lost and isolated your friend must have felt to take such action. The fact that she did call you shows that she trusts you, with her life, but that she was unable to voice it and had to take action to somehow show how distressed she was.
For me, who has always found it difficult to seek help and support, even from those who readily offer it, I see that my attempts have been my only way of communicating how bad things felt for me.
I always found that afterwards my feelings of self worth dropped even more, I didn't want to see the person who had had to rescue me, as I felt guilty, embarassed and ashamed. I also believed that they would hate me and never forgive me for putting them through such a terrible ordeal.
I'm not saying what your friend did was right or wrong, but I'm saying that she felt, at that moment in time, that she believed she had no other option available to her.
Please use the link below
http://www.mind.org.uk/mind+in+your+area...
to see if there is a local Mind association near to you.
They offer support, help and information that will help both you and your friend. I'm sure that staff would be more than happy to discuss your feelings with you, and support you. They may have a carers group that you could attend, or they will be able to direct you to somewhere that does.
Your friend needs you and obviously trusts you, but you must make sure that you look after yourself as well. You need your own support network.
Mind can offer help and support to your friend as well.
I have used their services for a great many years, and found it invaluable, as they don't judge and are easy to access. I now see myself as being priveleged to work for them and use my own experiences to try and help others. All it takes is a phone call, please make that call.
I have lost friends and people I thought were trying to help me as a result of my actions, but I have also managed to retain a small number who have stood by me, no matter what. However angry, upset and frustrated they have felt, they realised that it was nothing personal to them, and that I needed and still need their unquestioning support.
Only you can decide if you are strong enough to carry on the hard job of supporting her, and that is your right, I wouldn't judge you if you choose to walk away. But believe me that you don't have to carry the burden on your own, there is help available.
I hope that me being so honest has helped in some small way, both you and your friend. Believe me when I say this has taken a lot for me to openly discuss, but i really felt for you and your situation.
Good luck and best wishes in whatever you decide to do.
This really sounds like one of those "cries for help" or even just attention deals! A bit extreme, but more common than you'd think. Statistically (and I can back it up if you want, but pls. trust me!), women are MORE likely to attempt suicide, esp w/pills, and NOT follow through (i.e., doing it RIGHT before someone comes home, or in your case, calling someone about it!), whereas guys, who actually commit suicide more often, are more likely to do it without much warning or talk and in such a way that it can't be reversed (gunshot to the head, for example).
Yes...you ARE being manipulated, but not out of maliciousness...just out of the fact that this woman needs MAJOR help but doesn't know where to get it. Do some research in your area about therapists and clinics and tell her. Then BACK off and let HER seek help, or else, you will always be the one she leans on...and that will NOT help her!
Still...props to you for being so caring! You're in a tough spot!
Focus on your OWN problems and maybe you'll set an example for HER?
You are being both manipulated and controlled.
When the time is right for you...tell her you know what she is doing and that it is abusive towards you.
Explain that the responsibility for her life lays with her and no one else.
I know this sounds terrible but someone tried this with me some years ago and did commit suicide. I have never felt a minutes guilt over it. It was her choice and no one elses.
Weakness in this situation will make victims of both of you...it is not your problem!
Sorry to sound so mean...but it is true!
Yes she is seeking attention. But, suicide cannot be ignored. She probably feels like no one cares.
this is difficult, she might have really wanted to take her own life, then suddenly after taking the meds, decided to change her mind. This can happen.
But what bothers me, is that she knew what she had taken, maybe this was a loud cry for help, you friend needs help from somebody in the medical field, hopefully the hospital has referred to the mental health team.
I'm not sure you are being manipulated, maybe you are the only person she felt she could rely on to do the right thing at that very low point of her life.
I'm sorry to hear you have also been unwell, I hope you are coping well, don't become so low as your friend, seek help yourself from your doctor, if you feel you are not getting any better.
My advice is to stay in touch with your friend, and when the time is right she will be able to tell you what happened on the day she tried to take her own life.
will think of the both of you.
You sound like a very compassionate person and it is a great way to be however it is good that you are paying attention to feeling like you are being manipulated. I suggest taking time out to help yourself feel better as your first responsibility is always to yourself and also perhaps telling yourself that you can only do so much for others. You could begin to build stronger responsibility boundaries while at the same time doing what you can reasonably to for this person. Your heart won't lead you wrong. You have a right to feel good too and there will always be folk with problems around.
Many successful suicides ended with the person clutching the phone in a call for help but it was too late. The "act of the suicide" relieves the stress enough for a period of lucidity and that is when in fact a call for help is made. In her lucidity after the initial fact as the stress diminished from the act she called you would be my guess; the good news is help reached her and she lived to tell the tale. Support your friend, she is quite ill.
she is suicidal, but not ready to die yet. usually suicidal people use death as a last resort cry for help. before that, they usually try to seek someone who can save them. you were the person who saved your friend. i am glad that you were there for her.
however, she needs to see a counselor. try to teach her how to gain her self-esteem back. a great book: claiming your self esteem.
let her read over this, too.
http://img370.imageshack.us/my.php?image...
good luck.
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